my own drum

Thank you AA, Thank you God.

On December 1, 2007 I celebrate my 22nd anniversary of sobriety from alcohol, and it is my responsibility to offer thanks where it is due.

My first AA meeting was in northern Scotland, in 1975. I was stationed in the area while serving in the military, and it was determined at that time that I had a problem with alcohol. Heck, I already knew that much myself, but I didn't yet have a name for my problem. Alcoholics Anonymous provided me with that name. They also provided a solution, which I finally began to implement in 1985. On December 1st. Twenty two years ago.

Actually, my sobriety date could be a day or two sooner, but I was in pretty bad shape that weekend, and the 1st is the day I went to my last 'swinging door' meeting. I was there to stay, but even then I had my doubts. On the day after Thanksgiving, a Friday, I went out with a young woman from my AA group for some drinks, dancing, and fun. We planned this outing after an AA meeting. We both had serious personal issues. Nevertheless, we went out that evening. The next morning began my transformation to living sober. I was in bad physical shape, like never before. There were changes. I shut myself in my room, in a boarding house, and slowly made it through the weekend. At times I would look out the window, at the store on the corner, and know that a beer was but a short walk away. But I was too afraid to drink again. I was trembling most of the weekend. I was alone and afraid. My only thought of AA was that I would go to a meeting on Monday evening, I only had to stay sober until then. I wanted to be sober, because so many times I went to those meeting after already having consumed at least some alcohol. And I wasn't fooling anyone about that, except myself. And every time I went to a meeting those people said to me, "We Love You' and "Keep Coming Back".

I went to that meeting with a fear I had never known before, a fear that maybe I could not stop drinking. I don't remember the topic of that meeting. What I do remember is that Bill H. went up to the podium to offer sobriety chips, and I took what was to be my last 24 Hour chip, signifying a desire to stop drinking. Bill became my mentor, my first sponsor. He and wife Fran both attended meetings, and they each had several years of sobriety. I had long admired this couple, as individuals who both found a new way of living in AA. Every time Bill spoke at a meeting I felt that he was speaking to me, and I clearly related to his version of drunkeness - we spoke the same language.

From that humbling and fearful beginning I have discovered an amazing adventure awaiting me in life. Throughout that adventure there have been signigicant highs and lows. I have learned many lessons that might have otherwise gone undetected, unknown. I have learned to apply the Twelve Steps to every situation that I encounter, I have been blessed with serenity and peace, I live without fear of people, or places, or financial ruin. In a word, I Am Healthy, a whole person.