my own drum

At this little place where I work there's been some light discussion in the past about using a service to put down fresh doormats every week. It's not that I'm too lazy to clean the mats that we currently have, but seriously those mats are old and some of them are really showing their wear. They are also expensive to replace, so why not simply rent some and have them replaced each week? And the truth is, that service is really affordable.

I called a company who is one of the nations largest uniform and supply services. The reason I called them was because of name recognition, and perceived reputation. An account executive came out last week and put on a good sales pitch. I listened, took notes, and said I would call back. After considering the service and various options, a decision was made and I did indeed call back. "The deal is done", I said, "Let's get together and put it in writing." An appointment was made for the following morning.

Today is the following morning. Am I talking to a sales representative? No, I'm writing on my blog. Why is that? Well, I'm glad you asked.

You see, about 10 minutes before the sales rep was due to arrive I received a call. The sales rep, it seems, has to see another client in one of the outlying communities - a fair distance from here. "Can we reschedule for this afternoon?" "No we can't", I said, "I'm up all night and that's why I made an appointment for this morning."

Bottom line is this... when Goliath calls back I fully intend to stall, hem and haw, and basically put them off until they remember who is was that made them the Goliath they have become... it's all the little David's out here. That's right, folks like me who need a few clean doormats, or some fresh towels, or a clean uniform for their employees. The tens of thousands of small business clients who make up your annual receivables are the people who keep you in business. So if you need to push one of us aside, just keep in mind, we have the ability to push back.

Like tens (or even hundreds) of thousands of people around the world, I have discovered Chatroulette.com - the anti-social social site where two people can spend the briefest of seconds rejecting one another via mutual webcam views, or they can stop and actually chat for a bit.

Here are a few things I have learned from Chatroulette.

A lot of men in this world are hung up on displaying their genitals, and they don't seem to care who they offend next. Seriously guys, what in the world are you thinking (as if you are capable of thought)? I've discussed this with some of my lady friends, as well as with a few women on Chatroulette, and not a one them will admit to wanting to watch some guy masturbating - at least not in public. So why do these guys persist? I'm guessing it must be some kind of guy thing to either 1) attract another guy or 2) try to impress the world with their virility. As far as I'm concerned, enough is enough, and I'll be much happier when the coders at Chatroulette.com come up with a way to stop that nonsense.

I have learned that foreign women, and in particular French women, love a man with a full beard. Some other European women, and a few hippy chicks also fall into that category. However, far and away I have had the pleasure to chat with many French women. I'm convinced that if I flew into Paris in the morning I could have a date by noon.

I have learned that most American women do not like a man with a full beard, except for the aforementioned hippy chicks. American women are usually the first to scrunch up their face, or laugh, just before hitting Next.

I have learned that groups of college age kids (let's be fair - they are kids to me) love to smoke pot and drink beer. They also assume that I love to do the same thing. I usually get Nexted when they discover that I'm clean and sober. Otherwise, they seem to enjoy bringing me into their party for a while.

I have learned that the majority of men will only display the lower half of the their jaw, or just their torso (clothed or unclothed) or send a crotch shot - again clothed or unclothed. Since most of the men who actually show their faces appear to be foreign men, I can assume those who hide are American men. The only other mens faces I see regularly are old guys, like myself. I get a few looks from them too, since they are all clean shaved.

I have learned that most people do not like to smile. Maybe they are entranced after spending hours, if not days or weeks, staring at the same 8 square inches on their screen. Whatever - most do not smile. I tried an experiment: My on-screen persona was a comical frogs heads, with hollowed eye holes where I could place my own eyes in the camera. And then I wrote the word "SMILE" across the top of all this. I was actually 'Reported' more than a few times while doing this, and I got very few smiles. People, get out more!

Finally I have learned that Chatroulette is highly addictive. Once a person starts viewing random people from around the world it is hard to stop. One reason is because it is so random - you never know who you're going to see next. So next time you see some bearded fellow starting back at you, take a moment to stop and say hello.

I am totally put out with Coca Cola right now. And to make matters even more frustrating there seems to be no way to tell them about my frustration, so I'm taking it to the blog. I doubt they will hear me, but I may feel better.

It all started several months ago, when an employee was terminated. It was felt at the time that the employee managed to keep some keys, but there was no way to determine anything for a fact. Management had changed - the prior management had no checks and balances - the employee insisted he had no keys.

As time went on we made some internal changes to the way the business was operated, including a checks and balances system on our consumables; this included two soda machines - one Coke and one Pepsi. It wasn't long before we noticed that the money from the Coke machine was short every now and then. Not short a little, more like 20 or 30 dollars short. Since there were now only two people with access, it was fairly easy to conclude that another party was taking money from this machine.

Time to change the lock on the Coke machine. Might as well change the lock on the Pepsi machine too. The respective calls were made and Pepsi was out the following day to change the lock. Now 10 days later, four phone calls later, one expedited service call later, and one emergency service call later, Coca Cola still has not managed to get anyone out to change the lock on their machine.

This afternoon, returning from lunch, the lock on the Coca Cola machine was discovered to be open. Someone with a key was aware that we had gone to lunch and knew that we would be gone for a while (Friday lunch is usually longer) and thought they would take advantage of the situation. Since the money from the machine was emptied yesterday there wasn't much to take, and we really don't know if anything was taken. There were some bills in the machine, and some change, but whatever might have been taken today could not have added up to a heck of a lot. The point is that an unauthorized entry was made into the machine.

I'm told this afternoon, by a representative of the Coca Cola Consumers Affairs that our request had been upgraded to emergency status, and that someone will be be out by Monday. Does that mean maybe this evening, or tomorrow, or Sunday, or before 5pm on Monday. Who knows? I can't get a straight answer, and that is frustrating as hell.

My solution was to open the machine, unplug the lights, unplug the a few cords from the circuit - effectively making the machine appear to be out of service, and unable to function even if someone ignores the big sign I placed across the coin and bill slots:

OUT OF SERVICE. WAITING FOR COCA COLA TO SERVICE
WE DON'T KNOW WHEN OR IF THEY WILL SHOW UP.

As a bit player to the World of Coca Cola, with our one little machine, it appears useless to try to get any response. Their phone representatives are quick with "Oh I'm so sorry" and "I don't understand why this is taking so long", but it seems that no one genuinely gives a shit. Meanwhile our customers suffer because the machine is out of service - I refuse to support some crackhead with a key to our box any longer.

Coca Cola - I know you'll eventually come out and replace the key. Meanwhile, I offer you a well deserved - FUCK YOU!

And if you know anyone who is anyone at Coca Cola, please feel free to pass this post along to them. I'd love to hear back from someone who can actually make something happen.

UPDATE

Today, March 15, I tried a new tactic with Coca Cola. Instead of waiting all day for no one to show up, and then calling late in the afternoon, today I called them early. Voila, a service technician showed up and in five minutes had the lock on the machine changed out and new keys in my hands. Five Minutes!! But it took them twelve days to show up. Twelve Days!

The gentleman that took my call this morning was following standard procedure when he apologized for the delay - "I really don't care how sorry you are", I told him, "I just want this lock changed." He started to give me the tracking number for my service call. "I don't care about your tracking numbers! I just want this locked changed." And before he had the opportunity I said to him, "Don't even think about telling me to have a Classic Day, I just want this lock changed."

Ten minutes after our conversation my phone rang, it was a service supervisor from Coca Cola to inform me that a technician was on the way. Ten minutes later there was a technician at the door. Five minutes later the job was completed.

It took twelve days, five or six phone calls, three service escalations (what escalation comes after emergency?) for Coca Cola to make one simple service call. If it wasn't for the fact that our customers buy the hell out of Diet Coke I would have had the machine pulled out long before they ever changed the lock. Way to go Coke.